128 Grazer Earns a Very Large Crown for Being Fat Bear Week Champion
Welcome to the highly anticipated Fat Bear Week 2023, where these chunky creatures competed online for the title of the fattest bear. With over 1.3 million votes, the victor was 128 Grazer, a female bear who triumphed over 32 Chunk.
By Richard Cole · October 18, 2023
It’s that moment you’ve all been waiting for… welcome to the most anticipated event of the year: Fat Bear Week 2023. These furry fatties have been stuffing their faces with salmon all summer long, and they showed off their impressive physiques in a fierce online competition. Who was crowned the fattest of the fat from the more than 1.3 million votes cast? This year, the winner was a female bear named 128 Grazer, who beat out 32 Chunk in a landslide victory.
Now, you might be wondering: why do we care about fat bears? Well, first of all, how dare you. Fat bears are amazing. They are living proof that you can achieve anything if you just eat enough fish. And second of all, fat bears are actually a sign of a healthy ecosystem, because it means that there is plenty of food for them to prepare for hibernation.
But let’s get back to Grazer, because she is truly a remarkable creature. According to the park officials, she is “as thunderous as her thick tree trunk thighs”, which is both a compliment and a sick burn. And look at her before and after photos. She went from being a skinny minnie to a voluptuous vixen in just a few months. She is the ultimate glow-up.
And she is not alone. She is the third female bear to win the contest in the last six years, joining Holly in 2019 and Beadnose in 2018. That’s right, ladies. You don’t need to starve yourself to be beautiful. You just need to eat like a bear.
But not everyone is happy for Grazer. Some people have accused her of cheating, saying that she used performance-enhancing drugs or cosmetic surgery to enhance her curves. And to those people, I say: shame on you. How dare you question the integrity of Fat Bear Week? This is not some shady beauty pageant or reality show. This is a serious scientific competition that celebrates nature’s bounty and diversity.
And besides, even if Grazer did use some artificial means to boost her weight, who are we to judge? We live in a society that constantly pressures women to conform to unrealistic standards of beauty and thinness. Maybe Grazer just wanted to feel good about herself and fit in with her peers. Maybe she was tired of being body-shamed by other bears or humans. Maybe she just wanted to have some fun and enjoy life.
So let’s not be haters. Let’s be congratulaters. Let’s celebrate Grazer and all the other fat bears who have worked hard to achieve their goals and survive another winter. They are an inspiration to us all.