How to Honor Memorial Day and Still Have a Killer Pool Party
Sure Memorial Day is a serious holiday that commemorates those we lost in war. But for those who just want to have a great party, here’s how not to seem like a jerk.
By Jason Salmon · May 27, 2024
Satirical opinion by Jason Salmon, Odd News Show
Let’s be honest.
Memorial Day is a somber American holiday, but it’s also a three-day weekend. It is a chance to reflect on the human cost of war and honor those who have died so that we can have the freedoms we do. It’s also the beginning of summer and a chance to dance in your new swim trunks to George Michael’s hit song, Freedom, blaring over your very expensive outdoor sound system.
Some people, rightfully so, will be commemorating the day at a cemetery, recognizing its roots as Decoration Day in the wake of the United States Civil War death toll. That’s totally understandable, but some of you are also christening your new pool by having a rager cookout and prefer not to bum everybody out with talk of death and regret. So how can you honor the ceremonies from 1868 while still partying like it’s 1999?
Here are a few tips:
WAVE THE FLAG
If there’s anything America’s leaders have taught us, it is that the American flag can be used as a symbol for whatever you want, even if you do nothing to actually support that cause. These dudes and dudesses have been wearing flag pins while voting against legislation to help veterans and their families for years.
Companies are using American flag price tags to sell you appliances. Heck, some people get called honorable even if they hang the thing upside down. So you taking the time to actually hang a flag near your pool, even if you don’t really think about the sacrifices that made your stellar dance moves possible, may be the most honorable thing to happen to that flag all year.
POST SINCERELY…AND EARLY
Your Beginning of Summer Memorial Day bash starts at 2. That leaves plenty of time to post on all your social media about your respect for the day, before you run off to shove hot dogs down your gullet. Post pics of you with soldiers or even at a cemetery. If you don’t have any pics like that, forward some from social media. In honor of your civic responsibility, do try to make sure they aren’t those Russian bot-style meme pics you use to question your former classmate’s patriotism. But once you have posted, the day is yours.
USE MODERN TERMINOLOGY
If you do feel the need to talk about the true meaning of Memorial Day, just soften it a little. Talk of sacrifice can really ruin a good buzz, but sometimes you want to remember what the day is all about. Say things like, “Memorial Day is kind of America’s way of saying, ‘WTF,’ to war. Speaking of which, WTF is up with those vegan hot dogs Nancy brought?”
Let’s face it, we take this single day to honor the lives lost in defense of our freedom, but, if you do this right, your neighbors are going to be talking about this pool party for the rest of the summer.
God Bless America and Happy Memorial Day.