Aria Kidding Me? Opera Music Blaring Outside 7-Eleven Draws Ire
The store’s unceasing loud opera music is successfully driving away loiterers, but turning nearby residents into les misérables.
By Gabe Herman · August 29, 2024
Disclaimer: While this article is based on harmonious facts, it does contain a few off-key screeches of satire.
Outside of a 7-Eleven in Manchester, New Hampshire, when the fat lady sings, it ain’t over - in fact, the spectacle just keeps going and going.
The convenience store has become decidedly inconvenient for neighbors as it loudly blasts opera music outside nonstop in an effort to keep loiterers away. The tactic seems to be working, but while locals are sympathetic to the store’s motive, they would also like some peace and quiet at night.
“I think you could write a good opera about this very situation,” said a New Hampshire resident. “It would be a Chorus of neighbors making Overtures to the store, asking for some relief. But they are accused by the store of being Divas. They respond by asking the store manager if he wants to become a Castrato, so that he’ll be singing opera the rest of his life if he doesn’t lower the old-fashioned tunes. If I knew how to write an opera, I might be inclined to pen that story.”
Complaints of the highbrow racket have been met with a response that it is store policy. However, after some media attention, local law enforcement has said that by 10pm noise must be kept at a reasonable level.
“I was surprised by this story,” said a resident of a nearby town, “because I’ve always assumed that the type of people who loiter outside of a 7-Eleven really enjoy listening to opera music. It’s well-known that Slurpees and processed meat complement arias very elegantly.”
One enthusiastic woman was seen parking at the 7-Eleven lot and then hurrying up to the store entrance. “Why are people upset?” she said. “I’m excited to listen to Oprah all day and night, she’s the best.” After being informed that it was not Oprah but opera coming from the speakers, the woman said, “Oh… opera? Ew, no thanks. I guess I’ll just grab some beef jerky and a 125-ounce Big Gulp and be on my way.”