Body of Cries! Florida Priest Bites Woman
A priest in Florida is in hot holy water after biting a woman on the hand.
By Elon Altman · June 18, 2024
A Florida woman who went to church for mass ended up with a swollen mass on her hand after the priest bit her. It all happened during Sunday mass at St. Thomas Aquinas Church in St. Cloud, Florida. The church is considered quite holy because it’s named for one saint and it’s located in a city named for another saint. But there was nothing holy about the scuffle between the unnamed woman and the priest, Father Fidel Rodriguez (not to be confused with “Father Fiddles,” the nickname for notorious defrocked priest James Callahan).
The incident began during the 10 am mass (aka the pre-brunch mass, or “Hail Mary now, Bloody Mary later”) when Father Rodriguez sent the woman away to do Confession before she could receive Communion. Fast forward two hours and the same woman returned for the 12 PM mass (aka the mass that sports fans skip during football season), once again looking for Communion. The priest asked if she had confessed, and she told him it was “none of his business.” which technically is true; the confession booth is like Las Vegas: what happens there stays there.
"It's none of your business."
Even with her sassy answer, Father Rodriguez still offered her a communion wafer on her tongue. She must have really liked the taste because she then proceeded to grab all of the wafers from the priest’s vessel, crushing them with the immense strength it takes to destroy paper-thin crackers. Unsure of how to get her to stop, Father Rodriguez decided to put his Florida upbringing to use and bit the woman on the hand, just like his dad, an alligator wrestler, taught him. This caused the woman to leave and presumably get a rabies shot. The priest went into confession because, technically, that counted as kissing a woman.
Authorities have not yet decided if they will press charges against the priest for the physical attack or against the woman for destroying $3 worth of wafers.