Missouri Pumpkin Pirate Steve Keuny Sails for World Record, Discovers Gourd-geous Adventures
Steve Keuny sets a Guinness World Record, riding 38 miles in a 1,293lb pumpkin, proving it’s a cost-effective alternative to Uber. No snakes were harmed in the record breaking attempt.
By Richard Cole · October 19, 2023
If you thought pumpkin spice lattes were the ultimate way to celebrate fall, think again. A man from Missouri has just smashed the world record for the longest journey by pumpkin boat — a feat that makes the Mayflower look like a toy ship.
Steve Keuny, a man with a dream and a giant gourd, set sail from Lewis and Clark Park at the junction of the Missouri and Kansas Rivers on Monday morning, hoping to carve his name into history. He was riding in a 1,293-pound pumpkin that he grew in his backyard, because apparently that’s what people do for fun in Missouri.
“I’m just a guy with a pumpkin and a whimsical sense of adventure out to have fun,” Keuny told KCUR, as he and his colossal squash plunged into the water.
Now, you may be wondering, how does one turn a pumpkin into a boat? Well, it’s not as easy as pie. Keuny had to spend all summer nurturing his pumpkin, which he named Huckle Berry, until it reached a whopping 13 feet, 6 inches in circumference. Then he had to hollow it out, leaving about 8 inches of flesh for buoyancy. He also added some sandbags for balance and some kayak paddles for propulsion. This ain’t your usual pumpkin carving party we’re talking about here!
But even with all that preparation, Keuny knew that his voyage could end in disaster at any moment. He said: “It may take all day or it may be over in five minutes.” That’s right, five minutes. That’s how long it could take for his pumpkin to sink, crack, or get smashed by a barge. And let me tell you, there is nothing more terrifying than seeing a giant pumpkin coming at you on the river. It’s like a scene from a horror movie, but with way more seeds.
Thankfully Keuny was not alone in his quest. He was accompanied by a group of kayakers from the Paddle KC Club, who provided him with moral support and backup paddles. They also helped him navigate the water conditions, the traffic, and the wildlife. Yes, wildlife. Because apparently there are snakes in the river. Snakes! In a pumpkin! That sounds like the worst Halloween prank ever. Or the next Samuel L. Jackson movie.
But despite all the challenges and dangers, Keuny managed to complete his journey in 11 hours, covering 38 miles and reaching Napoleon, Missouri. He beat the previous record set by Duane Hansen last year by about half a mile and nearly 500 pounds. That’s right, someone else has done this before. And they say America has run out of ideas.
So congratulations to Steve Keuny for achieving this incredible feat of engineering, endurance, and eccentricity. You have shown us that anything is possible with a pumpkin and a whimsical sense of adventure. Maybe not “anything”, but at least a good ol’ paddle.